The whole poop and nothing but the poop

So, three and a half years into this parenting gig, I finally had the kind of poop experience that you hear stories about before you have kids. (Hi Megan, I do still remember your blueberry poop story!)

So, soon-to-be first time parents? STEP AWAY from the computer screen and go rock serenely for a few minutes in your pristine Pottery Barn Kids nursery while I tell this story. And enjoy that nursery the way it looks now, WITH NO KIDS IN IT.

The other morning dawned sunny and warm for January in these parts. Will’s lunch was packed, his nursery school bag was packed, the boys were fed and I was actually organized enough to take the time to put the boys in the stroller and walk Will to nursery school. I got Will dressed, and just as I was about to get Henry into his clothes, Will sniffs the air, turns to me and says, “Mom, what’s that smell?”

Like in a bad sitcom, we both turn and stare down Henry at the same time.

Henry, still in his footie pajamas, takes one look at us, knows the jig is up and takes off, giggling. But not before my eyes fall upon the large lump around his left ankle. Which can only be his diaper, the one that has abandoned the safe confines of his waist and shimmied all the way down his leg while still inside his pajamas. And judging from the smell, this isn’t going to end well for anyone.

I sigh, shelve my dreams of a midwinter walk in nearly 60-degree weather and begin the process of extracting Henry from his poop-lined pjs, and removing the patina of poop that covers him from his ARMPITS TO HIS TOES. All while Will looks on excitedly, handing me wipes and soap and washcloths.

Tell me, would you have saved the pajamas?* The fact that Henry has now started sitting stark naked on the potty while saying “‘pee! poop! potty!” DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR IT.

*(I did, but it was a tough call. I almost sent them on their way to poop heaven. It was that bad.)

* * *

And for my Best Shot Monday, something a little different. I didn’t take these, but have you ever seen anything so fantastic as these posed preschool portraits? I thought not.

Henry’s, taken three months ago at sixteen months, was timed perfectly to showcase his first black eye. And his felon expression.


And somewhere out there is a portrait photographer who can actually make my slender, nearly waifish son look like a neckless brute.


And these? These are just SO AWESOME that I have no words for them. Well, except to say I have NEVER seen my son sit in either of those positions before. But clearly he is so happy about it that I ought to encourage it at home.



For more fantastic Best Shot Monday and maybe even more felonious-looking toddlers, head over to Mother May I!





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35 Responses to “The whole poop and nothing but the poop”

  1. Nicole Says:

    And I thought it was bad chasing our new puppy around the house as he poops on the rug. You win.

  2. megan Says:

    oh, too funny! i’m sure he walks around with that natural smile on his face, too!

  3. The Casual Perfectionist Says:

    Oh, Anna…I’ve been there! I have more poop stories than you can shake a Stain Stick at. πŸ˜‰

    When Claire was really little, it took us a while to correlate a major poop blow-out with the fact that she needed a bigger diaper size. Duhhhhhhhhh.

    Now that I read your story, I realize that we’re way overdue for a poop extravaganza. You know…one that is so bad that you have them stand in the tub to disrobe, and you wonder if Mike Rowe is hiding somewhere with his camera crew. πŸ™‚

  4. The Casual Perfectionist Says:

    p.s. I’ve always kept the clothes…but it’s always been a tough call. πŸ˜‰

  5. susiej Says:

    Bio-clean — those cleaners with enzymes — can’t live without them. — THey get rid of the smell!

  6. B. Says:

    At least it was contained (in the PJs)!

  7. Maya Says:

    I totally am sending this to a friend who’s expecting! She doesn’t believe things like this happen! Your in exploding poop related things! Ha!

    The black eye shot is my favorite. He looks as if he’s ready to beat someone up. Don’t mess with Henry!

  8. Molly Says:

    hahaha oh man. But at least it was IN the pjs and not all over the house.

  9. Maggie Says:

    Ha ha ha — I’m laughing WITH you, not at you.

    I would have thrown away the PJs, unless they were some sort of family legacy…but even still I would have seriously considered tossing them.

    Their school pictures are too cute — I’m sure the mug shot is no indication of things to come, although it does make him look like the toughest tot on the block!

  10. chickenmomma Says:

    Found you randomly…
    GREAT entry! Very entertaining….though nothing scares me. I have 3 boys ages 4 and under. We have poop, puke, blood, broken bones, etc… experiences under our belts;0)
    Have a great day!

  11. amy Flood Says:

    thanks for the laugh! we had a similar experience coming home from thanksgiving. everyone had a touch of a stomach bug that exited both ends if you get my meaning. there was poop all over my daughter and all over the carseat, with about an hour left of our drive. i threw the clothes away and almost threw the carseat away. i had to wash the carseat cushion 3 times!! we had another fun time on saturday. my daughter takes off her diaper by herself if she doesn’t have pants on. i checked in on her during “naptime” and noticed a brown ball of something on the floor near her crib. yep, a ball of poop. the diaper was balled up inside the crib and there were skid marks on the sheet. thankfully it was pretty solid, it could have been a lot worse!

  12. MelodyA. Says:

    Yea, I probably would have thrown them away. They are just precious,though, in those classic school photos, all posed nice and sweet.

  13. Stacy Says:

    Yes, I would have thrown them away. Thanks for that entry…while I was eating lunch. πŸ˜‰ I love your preschool shots…they do a fantastic job don’t they?? Ah, they are adorable…and you need to have the evidence of all their bruises, don’t we? Anya had a big bruise on her forehead when they took hers, luckily her wispy curls covered it. πŸ™‚

  14. Chris Says:

    I am here at work laughing hysterically at Henry’s face in that portrait. He’s like, “Whut? Listen lady… the things I’ve done… doesn’t matter what you do to me.”

    And Will is going to be beating the girls back with sticks. Hopefully not literally… but, he might just HAVE to. Adorable.

  15. PeetsMom Says:

    Oh that made me laugh out loud! EVERYONE has a poop story! I won’t share mine here…but suffice it to say I did NOT save the offended article of clothing!

    Love the pictures too!

  16. Shannon Says:

    Great story.
    With Ian, I would’ve saved the pjs.
    Now, I’d scrap ’em.

  17. Kim Says:

    lol – I got in a good giggle today! That shot of Henry is hilarious. And those poses may be unnatural for Will, but you can’t hide his cuteness.

  18. qu33nbee Says:

    If this is your only poop related story? Then you’ll be lucky. My brothers once pooped on the floor of my grandma’s house, and it was so deep in the carpet we had to get it professionally cleaned. Gross.

  19. carrievoris Says:

    OMG – I am ROTFL…so funny. But yes…always laughing WITH you – it’ll be funny in a few weeks. I have um…yeah, some poop stories, too!

    Haven’t had the pleasure of paying for posed photos in preschool yet – those are ALSO a riot!

    Thanks for the fun visit today…hee hee hee…

  20. JenBun Says:

    Oh… my. I guess I CAN wait a little while longer to have kids!

    Reading your blog (and all the archives!) definitely makes me feel ready sooner rather than later… until today. Ahh well! And I definitely want YOU to take the pics… if I can tempt you out to California without owning my own island! =)

    Anyway, I am adding you to my blogroll so I can tune in daily for my next dose of cuties! (and poop.)

    Making your brownies tonight, (actual chocolate brownies… not… eww.)

  21. Natalie Says:

    My kid goes to a home day care, so I don’t have the joy of those PRECIOUS “school” pictures!!! And he most certainly DOES NOT look like a brute!!

  22. Dawnomite! Says:

    “felonious looking toddlers” – bwa ha ha ha ha! so funny!

  23. phyllis Says:

    okay i am rotfl literally at your post! love the black-eye shot and unless they were the brand-new pajamas from this past chanukah, i think i wouldv’e dumped ’em. (maybe with the first kid i would’ve kept them, but not now. ick!!!)

  24. christinator Says:

    ROFL! I’m not sure which I’m laughing at more…the poop story or the…um, interesting…pictures! hahaha!

  25. melody is Slurping Life Says:

    LOL I have SO thrown away lots of poop clothes completely guilt-free. Let me tell you about the time Lee painted the wall around his crib with poop…maybe I won’t. I almost wanted to throw him away. πŸ™‚

    Just ROTFLOL over the posed professional photos.

  26. Come out, come out, wherever you are « Hank & Willie Says:

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  27. mikesgotnothin Says:

    the pics are ridiculously cute. Aidan missed this year and make up day because he was sick. Oh well. in terms of poop stories, we affectionately call them ‘blow outs.’ but i love that the stuff was up to his arm pits. I thought Erin was big one day when hers reached the middle of her back!

  28. Sarah Says:

    we call those pooptastrophes. We have had WAY too many pooptastrophes. let’s just say we had to buy a steamcleaner for the carpet.

  29. Just Another Shitty Post « Sunny’s Side of Life Says:

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  30. Cari Says:

    Just had a poop issue here Sunday. I feel your pain….

  31. arizaphale Says:

    Man they are hilarious!!! And do they not have a COMB anymore??????? hahahahahahha the waifish brute is somethingelse hahahahahahahaha
    sorry….the last one is actually not too bad πŸ˜€

    As for poop…..*sigh* we had a friend who cut off her two and a half year old’s underpants everytime he had an accident….and threw them away!!!!!!!! More money than sense I say. I remember my little sister running down the hall in her cloth nappy in the late 60s…leaving a trail of little balls……my other sister and I bravely screamed out ” Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum……the baby’s nappy is leaking!!!!!!!!!”

  32. Tonya Says:

    gorgeous shots… love it!

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