Some days you just want to pretend they aren’t yours

Scene:

Busy YMCA family locker room, packed to the gills with kids and parents post swimming lessons.

Players:

Will and Henry, darling preschool-aged brothers, in the shower (a handicapped-accessible room with a door) rinsing off after their lesson.

Mom, the gorgeous, slim, thirty something mother of Will and Henry, frequently mistaken for their big sister or babysitter. She momentarily leaves them in the shower to go spin-dry their suits.

Twenty or so other mothers, fathers and children, many of whom are waiting to use the exact shower Will and Henry are in.

Scene 1:

Door opens, Will sticks his head out.

Will: “MOOOOOOOOM! Henry just peed on me in the SHOOOOOWER, and it was a LOT!”

Sound of crickets chirping fills the locker room.

Looking around to see who really knows she is connected to that child, Mom trills: “Be there in a minute!” without making eye contact with anyone.

Mom returns, swinging her shiny, silky locks, opens door a crack and offers admonishment: “Henry, we don’t pee in the shower, we pee in the toilet. That is not good manners and you need to apologize to your brother for peeing on him.” She repeats several times for good measure and to be sure all parents in the room have heard her “utter disapproval” (while rolling her eyes a little on the inside, because she is certainly not going to die on this particular hill, and at least they were in the shower when he peed on his brother.)

***

Alternate ending: (Check with focus groups re: approval) Mom waits outside shower with patented “who me?” expression on face until everyone who witnessed Will’s statement is gone.

Fade to black.

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12 Responses to “Some days you just want to pretend they aren’t yours”

  1. Crista Says:

    At least he didn’t say it in the pool!

  2. Chrissy Says:

    Lol. I agree with Crista – better in the shower than the pool. 🙂 At least it makes for a good story!

  3. Shannon Says:

    BRILLIANT!

  4. Christina Says:

    When is your book scheduled to be published? Cuz I want more of this funny stuff!

  5. B. Says:

    At least he was peeing, could’ve been worse!

  6. taylor Says:

    ah, the things boys pick up from their father.

  7. thelandofka Says:

    LOL! Well, that is the reason I do not take the kids to swimming by myself. They act like little heathens who just ate 10 candy bars and drank 4 Cokes. I’m lucky if I can get out of there without yelling at them. Much easier to just have one under hand for each of us. 😉

  8. Holly Says:

    You alway make me laugh AND, more importantly, confirm that I am not they one mom on the planet that these things happen to. Once many moons ago, Luca peed in a locker (also after swin lessons at the YMCA) when I couldn’t get him clothed quick enough.

  9. Crystal D Says:

    Bahahahahaha. I am guessing the look on your face when he said that was just priceless. I have, more than once, wanted to crawl in a hole from something my girls said. I need to work on my “who’s kids are these?” face.

  10. Jennifer Says:

    I think the alternate ending would have been my gut response. AHAHA

  11. Elizabeth Says:

    This is fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

  12. Amanda Herzberger (Orchard Cove) Says:

    LOVE IT.

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